A little bit about the fear of letting go 

Hi friends,
As I sit in the park today, I realize that the past few weeks have been the most transformative weeks ever. It’s been a very busy past few weeks but in between everything I’ve been thinking a lot about the importance of letting go.
I think often times in life we get so caught up in everything- our jobs, our life, our expectations of what and who we and our life should be. We get caught up in the little and big things without realizing that all things pass and that everything eventually settles.
For me letting go of toxic people, situations, ideas and expectations of myself and others has really been important in the past few weeks.
As I mentioned, I have been preparing for a meeting where a group of scientist would decide whether I can move towards writing my thesis and defending it in a few months (aka as graduation). I had been so focused on doing well on this for so many weeks, but the week before this actually happened, I realized that I had to let go. I had to let go of my expectations of myself, of having to have control of the situation, of just trying so hard. I always hold myself up to a high standard, so doing this was hard, but when exhaustion  and the realization that I had given it my best sunk in, I let go. I let go knowing that whatever the outcome of this meeting, I would be happy.
Once I had this realization and went into the meeting with this mindset, it helped me to not be overly critical of myself when I couldn’t answer a question or didn’t know exactly how to defend one of my points. Although, being a perfectionist, I thought I could have done better, at the end of this meeting at felt at peace. Thankfully, they gave me the okay to defend in a few months, which means I will be graduating by next summer! There are still hurdles to cross til then, but it’s all about these small victories.
During this time, I’ve also been working on letting go of my expectations of other people and my own body. As some of you may know my hip issue has resurfaced. I am not happy about it but I’ve learned to let my body do its thing. I’m taking care of it but I realize that maybe this is the way my body has of saying that I need a break.
As per letting go of expectations and of other people, I’ve been working hard on that. I had to let go of someone whom I loved very deeply at one point in my life because I realized that there was no room for us to grow anymore. I realized that hitting my head against the same wall was not worth it. Sometimes it is better to take care of myself first and to be realistic about the things that can and cannot happen rather than to hold onto situations and people who cause so much pain.
So friends, I’m letting it go. I’m letting the toxic people, thoughts, ideas, expectations go. I’m choosing to live in this moment and to be happy.
In doing this my friends and I have been hanging out around the city this past weekend. We did a whole bunch of things- including hot pot (a Chinese way of cooking meats and veggies in a pot of broth), ice cream at Morgenstern’s (we had the most delicious black coconut ash ice cream),a walk in the lower east side with some gallery viewing, and finally a concert of my favorite band CHVRCHES at Radio City Music hall.
Part of letting go for me includes living in the moment. Having those conversations that get real and where there are no phones on the table, no picture taking, and just enjoying the moment. So, sorry for the lack of media here.
How are all of you doing?

A few photos below of this weekend 🙂

Xoxo,

M

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