Since it is the last day of the year, I thought that I should reflect on all the good and the bad of this year. It has been quite a year and I have had many struggles, but also so many laughs. Quite honestly, it doesn’t feel like the end of 2015 at all. Perhaps, the greatest lesson of all learned this year is that I can be happy regardless of the situations that present themselves in my live. This concept of just being happy has definitely been a struggle during my twenties. Alas though it seems like I have reached a nice middle ground.
So the mantra for this past year is best described with the quote below…and I will also just add a few things which highlighted my year (both in good and bad ways).
- The start of blogging
- Quite honestly I started blogging because I needed a creative outlet. I am a science nerd at heart, and I will always be this. I realized that I was working way too much in lab and that this was just zapping all of my energy. I needed a hobby and I decided to started blogging. Although it continues to remain hard to put words to paper (or blog), I realize that this has been the best “therapy” for me. I am thankful to be able to share my experiences as a twenty something year old living in New York City while attending graduate school. I am also thankful for having all of you be interested in the things I have to write about. It has been nice to be part of this community that has been really supportive.
- The end of bad relationships
- This year I ended two bad relationships. I finally broke all emotional ties with my ex-fiance. I think all I can say about this is that I learned that people sometimes don’t change and I cannot wait around for someone to become who I want them to be. I also broke up with someone who I had been dating for two years. Yeah, we had been dating on and off for two years, but it was the first real relationship I had engaged in since my disastrous breakup. I can’t say that I was the best girlfriend or partner, but I can say that I really did try. I tried because I realized that I could care again and even fall in love again. In hindsight, although I was dating someone who cared about me, I realize now that he didn’t love me, that I wasn’t in the right state of mind to be in a relationship, and it was the best decision to break up. Our breakup wasn’t great, let alone painless, but I learned that sometimes it is best to let go, even when you do love someone because it would have never worked out. There are certain relationships in life that come in and contribute to your life in many ways, but they are not meant to last because the people in them are just not on the same page. I guess this thought is best summed up by one of my favorite poets, Nayyirah Waheed.
- The beginning of feeling at peace with graduate school.
- Let me begin by saying that I am always on a deadline. This extends to my life and when I want to be done with things. For the longest time, I have wanted to be done with graduate school. Let me also say that I want to finish my PhD in 4 years and that in itself is a huge goal. Putting this much pressure on myself has not been good…and I am often reminded that I am my own worst competitor. This is always how I have been. I have always competed with myself and I think that this led to me not being kind to myself. I think I would continue to be unkind to myself had I not been “sick” this year. After having two major hip surgeries, I learned that sometimes I need to give myself breathing room and also some credit for working so hard towards my goals. So, that is what I have done. I have become kinder to myself reminding myself that I am doing the best I can do…and that graduate school is a matter of luck. I can work my behind off and still not move forward, so I need to be smarter about how I work.
- The end of being unkind to myself
- I think that in one way or another we are all unkind to ourselves. Be it by not sleeping/eating enough, being too stressed out, not putting our bodies first, etc etc. I had been very unkind to my body both on a physical and psychological level. It took getting hurt/sick, to actually realize this. I think that feeling so sick for most the year, not only caused me to slow down, but also to really think about the way that I want to live my life. I know that my life is always going to be stressful and that this is not an excuse not to take of myself. So, this year, I took vacations, I took time to take care of my body, and I also took time to take care of my psyche. All of these things have been super helpful towards my outlook of life and my happiness.
Overall, this year has been super awesome. I have had my major downs, but I have such a great support system made up of family, friends, and you. I cannot be more thankful for the life I am living, for where I am in life, and even for the injuries that have caused me to slow down.
Let’s hope that next year is awesome as well.
There will be no new year’s resolutions this year other than to continue to be healthy, happy and find success in the things that I do.
Happy New Year!!!
Cheers to living in the moment 🙂