A little bit about dating in this city

Being part of the “Sex and the City” generation, I always envisioned  NYC as the place where dating would be a little bit easier. However, what I’ve come to find is that dating is really challenging in this city.

After being in a long term relationship that almost led to marriage and another semi-serious relationship, I decided to try to see what is out there. Initially I wanted to do this by meeting people through friends, but this became tricky. 

I have a close knit set of friends and most of them are looking for significant others or just don’t know many people outside our group. That reminded me that even though so many people live here, you only end up knowing those who work/study with you and getting to know other people can be difficult unless you REALLY try. 

Since I couldn’t find someone through friends, I turned to online dating, in an attempt to find someone good looking, driven, interesting etc etc. Don’t get me wrong, there are a lot of hot guys in the city. It’s baffling to see the number of good looking people especially men that inhabit this city. However, there are some minor issues. One of them is that it is difficult to meet these hot guys and when you meet them they are in relationships, playing the field or not interested. That creates some dating problems for single ladies like myself. In fact, I don’t understand how most of my single friends and I, who are accomplished, good looking women, can’t find quality men to date.

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Online dating has been a journey. What I have found so far is that the way men portray themselves on these sites, can be very different from the reality of who they are. Going out on dates has also shown me that sometimes someone might look great on paper but that does not mean that sparks will fly. In fact, those who have looked great on paper have been awful matches. I’ve also realized is that I like a good looking man and that if I’m not attracted to someone off the bat, it is really hard for me to want to invest my time trying to get to know them for anything other than being friends. To put it in one word, online dating has been CHALLENGING.

On a more personal level, all of this dating has also put me in a reflective mood about the relationship that almost led to marriage. We ended over differences that we couldn’t get past but the feeling or taste from that relationship has not left me yet. In fact, I think that those feelings have hindered some of the relationships that I’ve tried to form after this breakup. Sometimes I think that I’m still in love with this person and that can create a sense of anxiety because our relationship ended three years ago, he has moved on with someone else, and he and I were not very kind to one another towards the end. I strongly believe that people that are meant to be in your life and care for you, stay in your life. I wish that he would have stayed in my life, that there hadn’t been such heartbreak, and that our breakup hadn’t precipitated the most depressing and negative period of my life this far. Lately, perhaps because of all of this dating, I’ve been wishing that he just come back and that we resume where we left off. I’m pretty sure that is unrealistic, but given that these are the only feelings that resurface every time I try to engage in a new relationship, I wonder if they are telling me something. I wonder if I should listen to my gut feeling which obviously doesn’t want to let it go, or to completely let it go and let time continue to do its job. 

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Oh, the struggles of dating!!! 

Can any of you relate?

xoxo,
M
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