A little bit about living in NYC: Banana bread and reflecting on how small this city is

Sundays are a day of reflection for me. It is the time of the week where I try to relax after the hectic week at work. I usually sit down and have a good cup of coffee and some breakfast (usually something healthy). Today, though, I decided to have some banana bread which I made from scratch. It is deliciously rich, fluffy, moist and the chocolate chips definitely hit the spot. I got this recipe from Canadian living (http://www.canadianliving.com/food/the_ultimate_banana_bread.php) after seeing a YouTuber make it (Sundays are also vlog catchup days for me 🙂 ). You guys should try to make it especially since it is pretty easy recipe to follow. I am no cook/baker, and I managed to make this work; so you can too 🙂 .

As I sit here this morning, having my coffee and banana bread, I’ve been reflecting on mixed feelings that I have regarding a situation that presented itself over the past week.

On a recent trip to the beer garden, I bumped into my ex-fiance and the girl he cheated on me with. Yes, readers, I have been in love before and I was in a pretty serious relationship a few years ago. Needless to say, it ended catastrophically. Since this event got me thinking a lot about the past and how tiny this huge city can sometimes seem, I thought I should write a more personal blog…after all Sundays are for reflection 😉 .

NYC feels like one of the biggest cities in the world and there is a low probability that you will bump into someone that you know. Obviously, the more people that you have in common in your social circle, the more likely you are to bump into a friend/colleague/ex. My ex and I, happen to have multiple acquaintances in common, but it is a rarity that we are ever together in the same place. Since we broke up, I have only seen him from afar due to work things, but we have not maintained the most amiable relationship (for obvious reasons).

The breakup occurred about three years ago. The first year after the breakup was awful. I was really confused about what had happened and I was really angry that my ex had gone out of his way to cheat on me. I just did not understand it, but what did hit me was that I had lost my best friend, the person who had influenced a lot of my life decisions (including moving to NYC), and someone whom I honestly loved deeply. I wasn’t the best person to him after I found out what he was doing behind my back and he wasn’t the warmest person towards me either, but we kept on fighting during the year after we broke up, which made it harder to move forward. After that first year, we veered in different directions because I think we both realized that his “mistake” had completely ruined our relationship. This is not to say that I just stopped loving him from one day to another, but, with time, I came to terms with knowing that he wouldn’t be the person I would marry. It was a very heart breaking realization, but it was a necessary one.

Seeing him with his new girlfriend, the girl who he cheated on me with, for the first time in  years made me mad. It surprised me that this was my feeling as I have also moved on and seen other people…even fallen in love with someone who I dated for a bit. I guess that my madness comes from the realization that this was such a hurtful part of my life and that these two people helped create it. I don’t see the fairness in their relationship. It also made me mad that both of them put their heads down and did not bother to look at me when we bumped into each other. It was awkward to say the least especially since we had been invited to this event by the same friend and were all in a group.

This city became so small at that moment and I was super surprised at how connected we all are despite trying to be so disconnected. I do not hold some grudge towards them as I do not want to bother thinking about the selfishness and lapse of judgement of other people. However, being a proponent of my own happiness, I do not want to see them in any capacity, especially together.

Needless to say, I have been wrestling with tons of mixed feelings since then. The mixed feelings got me asking myself if this is my Mr. Big (hopefully we have all experienced some ‘Sex & the City’ 😉 ). I certainly hope it is not because I’m the type of person that really values love, commitment, trust, and honesty. I am pretty sure those are qualities that he lacks. Perhaps, the situation just reminded me of all the old feelings- both good and bad- that came along with that turbulent period in my life.

At least the beer was good (fuzzy photo and all)….

IMG_3073

Thoughts?

xoxoxo,

M

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